who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
