My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
