Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
