I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize