Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
