and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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