why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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