Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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