I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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