I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
