11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
