38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
