Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
