I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
