just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
