I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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