Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
