Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
