The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
