Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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