i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
