My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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