did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
