I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
