Whod you bang
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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