I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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