His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
