I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
