the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
