Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
