a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
