you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
