Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
