I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just had sex bonerless
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
