I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
