I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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