After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
