so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
