I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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