Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
