Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I cut my penus on the lid.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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