At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize