The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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