we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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