saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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