Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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