I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
