i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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