Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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