i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
