I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
