I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize