i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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