I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
