you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
