I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sext me about skeletons
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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