there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
