I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
