i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
