My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
