Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
