I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
