So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
