I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
