He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize