i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize