if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
