Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
