Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
