Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
