I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just pee around me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
