Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
