dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
