omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
