It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
