thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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