My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
