I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize