i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
