I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
