just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
