phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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