I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
