She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
