Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
