He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
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