The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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