Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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