Im at strip club and am horny
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
