; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she pinky promised me she was 18
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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