Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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