he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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