tell your sister to shave her snatch
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the day after is always just damage control
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize