so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
