I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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