Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
