I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
