last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
