The maid of honor just puked.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
