sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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