i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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