smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
