just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
