it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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