just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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