yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
how drunk are you?
Several
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
