why didn't you poke me back
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
