Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
