matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
