dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
