Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
