We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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