Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
