When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
