just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize