I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
