Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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