they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
