I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
